Why I rarely write on my blog anymore

When I first started to write on Patreon more than a year ago, I had intended to write some posts there and keep writing on my blog too. I had been blogging for two years and I loved it. I didn’t really like the idea of people paying to read my writing, it’s probably an Irish thing. It was a way for friends and family to support me through my treatment, we had a go fund me page when I started treatment in Turkey when we needed to raise big bucks. Which we did, Turkey was a huge success as it gave me almost two years with no evidence of disease in my body, an absolute miracle given the state I arrived in. And it couldn’t have been possible without the help of my friends, family, community, strangers far afield, it was mind blowing actually to see donations come in from people we didn’t know. Go fund me is incredible, people are incredible and we are unbelievably grateful that it was possible for us to get what we needed to go to Turkey. Go fund me is humanity at its greatest.

A go fund me page is somewhere you donate on a once off basis. My family encouraged me to set up a place where they could regularly lodge money to help me continue to heal. Patreon is somewhere you can sign up for a small amount of money, a dollar, five dollars, ten dollars a month, whatever you can afford. An amount of money you won’t miss on a monthly basis but by many people giving me that small amount, it meant that I could continue to go to appointments for vitamin c, hyperbaric oxygen, therapy, kinesiology, energy healing, biomagnetism, healings, homeopathy, reflexology, workshops on self development, meditation courses, organic food, testing of my bloods, tumour profiling…. All the things that cost money, some of them thousands and most of them I wouldn’t be able to receive if it wasn’t for Patreon. Healing is a full time job, I am on the road almost every day going to appointments. I don’t have time to work when I’m in healing mode. I have to make the choice to heal. What’s the point working when I can be spending that time making my body better? It is stage 4 cancer after all, I need to throw the book at it. And over the past 3 and a half years, I’ve found what works for me and I continue to do it all.

So while Patreon started off as somewhere for people to help me stay well, it ended up becoming a place where I felt safe to post my most vunerable thoughts and feelings. I had always been very open on my blog, the beginning of my journey into this madness that is stage 4 cancer was very emotive, frought with opinions, condescending doctors, moments of clarity, moments of sadness… it was where I started to form a vision of where I wanted to go. It was a time when I started to explore alternative options, uncover other ways of doing things and incorporating both the conventional and complimentary into my healing. I gave honest opinions on things, I talked about why I thought I got cancer and how I felt I could heal it. I was open, I was raw, I was criticized and I was trolled. I was discussed on twitter, I was called a liar when I showed images of my all clear scan. I was targeted as someone who victim blames others. I was dragged into conversations on the comments section of my blog, which I since deleted and blocked those people. I felt like shit for sharing my story. I had already started to write on Patreon and less on my blog but then, I gave up the blog altogether, apart from a couple of ‘safe’ pieces that I knew I wouldn’t be criticised for. I hid many of my more honest and open pieces from my blog page, they still exist, but they’re the ones that I was most criticised about so I hid them. Even though I know they are helpful for people, I’m not willing to be vulnerable in the open anymore, why should I? The backlash is too great. I might share those posts here, the early journey ones because I know they were helpful to people at the time, people starting out on their own cancer journeys.

So now, Patreon is my safe space, it’s a place I can be myself, it’s a place where I presume everyone who follows me does so because they like me, they like what I have to say and they enjoy what I write and they want the best for me. Patreon is somewhere I can hide from the trolls, hide from the criticism, be my true self without fear of being exposed, which is how I felt when I read threads about myself on twitter. It’s not nice. I’m not out there selling anything, being dishonest, trying to influence people to buy a cure. There is none of that. I truly feel that I am sharing my experience, something that has kept me alive against the odds and which could be helpful to people. But because of the stronghold the medical/pharma community has in the online space when it comes to ‘anti quackery’, it is an unsafe space for me to write in without being attacked. I mean, I could do it but do I want to invite that negativity into my life? I have enough on my plate! I’m writing this post from a hospital bed where I’m fighting off two infections. I don’t need an infectious online community down my throat too! Although, I am toying with the idea of writing a piece on the ‘anti quackery bill’ and how it could affect my health. I think it’s important to speak out against such madness.

But the rest will stay on Patreon, my safe space. Thank you to all my patrons for your continued support. I am alive because of you. In more ways than one. The money allows me to heal with all of the appointments I go to, but the space to write, to vent, to rant and rave gives me life more than you could know. So thank you for allowing that. I am sharing this piece both on Patreon and on my blog, I have been criticised for ‘charging people to read my writing’ in Facebook comments. Another thing I deleted. Haha. My page, I can do what I like! I decided a long time ago that I wasn’t going to get into online arguments anymore. It wastes precious time and brings down my vibration. So I just delete it. It is true though, I do charge for my writing. But what’s wrong with that? I put time and effort into it, I write often so I consider myself a writer of sorts. And why shouldn’t writers be paid for their work? Blogging is a job which has become monetised by ads and selling products, influencing people to buy things. I never had any interest in that, to be honest, I think it waters down what you’re trying to do. If you’re writing, you want to give your readers writing, not a load of ads and product plugging in the middle of it. It turns me off and I know from reading reactions online, it is something that will have a shelf life. If you want to read writing or soak up content from content creators without being targeted and influenced, then paid platforms are the way to go. You get straight to the content, no bullshit. Aren’t those ads on YouTube videos so annoying? And all the pop ups that appear when you’re on a blog/newspaper/magazine webpage?

Here ends my Patreon explanation, and the reason why I don’t really write on my blog anymore. I may post a few safe pieces from time to time but my main place I write is  Patreon. Come join if you feel the call… I average one to two pieces a week, content ranges from my thoughts and feelings through this cancer journey, experiences of healing treatments including shamanic journeying, family constellation work, therapy, insights I come up with about myself and how to go forward, it’s deeply personal at times, I’ve had tears in my eyes reading back over some pieces, sometimes I can’t believe I wrote what I wrote, and I actually felt like that at one time or another. It’s sad, it’s happy, it’s inspirational at times, it’s my safe space to be myself, it’s my life, it’s my hopes, my future, my dreams, my diary, my rants and a whole lot more…

You can join for as little as $1/month, charges come out on the 1st of every month and you can leave at any time. Thank you for reading and here is a link if you feel like joining.

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